Fullfilled
by katastrophic88
Summary: SanzoxGoku a bit of GojyoxHakkai Can our two boys come to terms concerning how their partner feels? Or will they always be estranged from one another? Fluff fic ahead!
1. Beginnings

Disclaimer: I no own Saiyuki, as much as I wish to. A/N: Hello there! This is my first fic ever so please r&r much appreciated Criticism welcome. Let's get this road on the show shall we? ^_^ Italics represent thoughts.  
  
Fulfilled  
  
When, when did this feeling of warmth of inner peace come into my tortured soul? When did the rush you get simply from loving someone re- establish itself into my guarded heart? Not when, but who. Who could possibly bring emotion back into this cold heart of mine, a heart that has remained sealed off since my master Komyou Sanzo died that dreadful night. Who could possibly do it but my little baka saru.  
I already miss his voice, alive with wonder for all the things around him, even though he just left a few minutes ago with Hakkai. I miss the way his eyes light up when I give him the pork buns he loves so much or, upon rare occasion, I am nice to him. I light up a cigarette and look out the window of my room until the lights across the street come on with the approaching darkness.  
"Oi, Sanzo.....you okay?" I didn't even hear Gojyo open the door, I'm getting lazy.  
"What do you think?" I hear him cross the room and sit next to me on the bed.  
"I wonder what's keeping 'Kai and monkey boy?" when Gojyo uses his pet name for Hakkai, its almost impossible not to think of the low moans and sighs of the two lovers at work.  
"Like I should care." Gojyo shrugs and I feel his eyes on me, willing me to look at him. Well being the stubborn bastard I am, I won't.  
"Well, I will leave the high priest Sanzo-sama to ponder the will of Buddha."  
"Urasai." With a chuckle, Gojyo left, leaving me alone with my thoughts once again.  
  
"Come on Hakkai, its gonna rain before we get back to the inn!"  
"Okay, okay I'm coming!" It starts to rain just as soon as we reach the porch of the inn we are staying at, and night light rain either. Those big, heavy raindrops that will leave you soaked in a matter of seconds. Great now Sanzo is going to be in a funk because it's raining. It's best not to talk to him when it's raining; Hakkai told me it was something about his master being murdered by youkai.  
I say goodnight to Hakkai and go to mine and Sanzo's room, a bag of spring rolls and dumplings for him in my hand. I open the door and set the bag on the table.  
"Sanzo, I brought you some dinner." No answer, well that's to be expected.  
I guess I kinda have gotten used to the abuse that I get form Sanzo; I love it when his attention is focused solely on me. Not Hakkai and not that idiot kappa Gojyo. But I have completely given up on the hope that maybe one day, Sanzo would love me back. He's my sun, the only person who I would follow to the end of the earth without a moment's hesitation. The one person I love so much, it hurts when I realize he can never return that feeling to me. I sigh and change into my pajamas, crawling between the sheets of the other bed in the room.  
"Goodnight Sanzo...." Still no response. I love you.....  
  
"No Sanzo don't leave me here again! I don't want to be alone! No..... Please!" Goku's sobs broke me out of my reverie and I turn to see him reaching out as if he was losing something precious to him. I walk over to his bed and stroke his brown locks.  
"Shhh Goku, it's just a bad dream." Goku's golden eyes pop open, filled with tears.  
"Sanzo! I thought you left me."  
"Baka, why would I leave you?"  
"I dunno, maybe because you always yell and curse at me, because you hate me." Hate him?! Yea right......  
"Gomen, now go back to sleep saru."  
"Hai, arigato Sanzo."  
"Your welcome now sleep." Goku nods and fell back asleep in seconds, a smile lifting the corners of his mouth. Sweet dreams my dear Goku......  
  
I awake sometime in the night to see that Sanzo is still awake. That's odd; usually he is asleep by now, unless the rain is getting to him.  
"Sanzo, daijobu?" Sanzo doesn't answer me and that worries me even more than if he lashed out at me. I cross the room and sit next to him. "Sanzo, what's wrong?" He looked at me, his beautiful violet eyes clouded with a grief so deep it makes my heart ache. On impulse I crawl into his lap and I put my arms around his waist. He lays his head against the hollow in my neck; his arms holding me close as if I might disappear. As selfish as it sounds I am glad that Sanzo needs me for a change, that I can do something for him no matter how simple.  
Sanzo's hold eases up and he looks deep into my eyes, amethystine meeting gold.  
"Sanzo I have something to tell you. Sanzo I...." I am cut off by his soft lips coming down hard on mine. I comply and receive his kiss with a passion equal to his. This is the moment I have been living for. After a time he broke the kiss, panting softly for air. "Sanzo, I love you." Sanzo nods and lies down in his bed. Well I guess it was just too good to be true, just a spur of the moment thing for him with no real meaning behind it. With a sigh I walk back to my bed heartbroken and more alone then ever.  
"Saru get your ass over here, and no snoring." Utterly confused I get into the bed with my sun and settle into his warm embrace. Drifting along the edges of sleep I hear Sanzo whisper the three words I have been dying to hear pass from his lips.  
"I love you." With a sigh I turn and place a kiss on Sanzo's lips, "I love you too Sanzo, with my whole heart." Content with the inner peace that finding true love brings, neither of us dreamed that night for our dreams had already come true.  
  
A/N: So what didya think? I might do a second chappie centered on Gojyo and Hakkai cuz I kinda ignored them here. Thanks for reading! 


	2. Rectification

A/N: And here is part two!!! ^_^ R&R please!!!!  
  
Fulfilled  
  
There is no denying the fact that Sanzo has changed. Yea he still thwacks Goku and me upside the head with that ever-present fan of his but we've seen it a lot less. Even freakier, he's smiling every now and then. And not those evil smirks that he plasters on his face from time to time but a real genuine smile; but he's still a mean bastard.  
Goku seems a lot happier too, he's always smiling even when Sanzo hits him with his fan and yells himself hoarse. I'm happy that they have found each other; after all it's not fair that I get to have some fun and they don't ne?  
Then there is that problem, fun. Unfortunately Hakkai thinks that I sleep with him because I want somebody to screw every night. He doesn't understand that I love him, all of him and not just his body. Well maybe if I wasn't drunk half the time and I could actually confess to him that might help things. Goku once told me that he wanted what I have with Hakkai, between him and Sanzo. Now actually it's the other way around. Although Sanzo would never tell us, he loves Goku that much is clear.  
I put out the cigarette that has burned down to the filter without being inhaled and light up another. Some fresh air might do me some good; I just want to get out of this stuffy hotel room. I walk downstairs and out on the porch and sit down with a sigh.  
  
"Why don't you just tell him?" Its Sanzo should have guessed he would be outside too.  
"What are you talking about Sanzo?"  
"You know damn well what I am talking about Gojyo don't play dumb with me. You've been moping for the past few days." Well there's no fooling Sanzo is there?  
"I dunno what if he doesn't believe that I am serious. I love him so much but he obviously doesn't take me seriously. To him I'm just a horny, half demon, kappa looking for a good time. But why should you care about what happens to me?" No answer, figures.  
"Because I..... I'm learning to be honest about how I feel. Goku said it isn't good to bottle up your emotions. I really do care for you guys, just not that much." I chuckle, that's you typical Sanzo answer, bare your feelings and end them with a smart-ass comment. "Tell him Gojyo, everybody takes a risk where feelings are involved." I nod and stand, time for battle.  
"Thanks Sanzo, you corrupted monk."  
"Your welcome, horny water sprite."  
  
I look over at Gojyo's empty bed and sigh, off with some village girl no doubt. It hurts every time that he's drunk, reeking of alcohol and cigarette smoke. That lust is there but not love, not the love I have for him. Afterwards, I always whisper those three words to him in my arms but he is oblivious to them, fast asleep. Not once has he ever said those words to me in return.  
Suddenly the door bursts open and there is Gojyo leaning heavily on the door frame, drunk again.  
"Oi, Hakkai help me to bed please, can't walk straight. I had a helluva time getting up the steps." With a nod, I let the tall half-youkai support himself on me until we reach the bed. He grabs my hand and pulls me down with him. He starts to kiss my neck, his hands running down my back and in my hair. With great difficulty I pull away from his warm embrace.  
"No Gojyo I...." His hands pause and he looks into my eyes.  
"What's wrong Hakkai?"  
"I'm just very tired that's all, would you mind if..." Actually I can't live through another meaningless "session" with my heart intact.  
"Sure but can you stay with me? I promise I won't do anything." I nod and slip under the covers next to him, easing into his embrace pretending that he loves me in return. "Hakkai, do you love me?" I stiffen at his question but soon I am relaxed again. He's drunk so he probably won't remember any of this tomorrow. He hasn't so far except that we had "fun."  
"Yes Gojyo, I love you. I love you even though it tears me apart to see that you never will know."  
"Now I do." I look into crimson eyes startlingly clear for a drunk person. "I'm sorry 'Kai. Didn't know I was hurting you so bad, I thought you knew. I loved you from the day you opened your eyes after I took you in. I didn't mean to give you the wrong impression because I love you for you."  
  
"You're not drunk!" I can't believe what I'm hearing, Gojyo has just told me he loves me and all I can say is 'Your not drunk'! "Brilliant deduction! But yes I do love you." Gojyo leaned down and kissed me, one I gladly receive. His tongue slips into my parted lips, deepening the kiss. Gasping for air we parted. "Gojyo I have no way to express to you how happy I am." With a chuckle and another kiss Gojyo replied, "Then don't even try 'Kai. Don't even try."  
  
"Ne, Sanzo." "What do you want saru?" "What are those noises coming from Gojyo and Hakkai's room?" "Go to sleep baka." "Demo, Sanzooo....." "I said go to sleep!" "San-...." "Urasai!" At that, Goku puts on his kawaii pout face, the one he uses to get what he wants. I sigh and motion for him to come here. He crawls next to me on the bed and lays his head against my chest, Goku sighs as I play with his chocolate brown locks. "Sanzo?" "What now?" "I love you." "I love you too Goku." "Gonna tell me now?" "Nope, not a chance."  
  
~Owari~  
  
A/N: Well that concludes that, my next fic is one about Fake so please check it out. Thanks for reading!!! 


End file.
